I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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