I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
