i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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