I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
