she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
