I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
