I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
