We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this hospital has no fireball
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
