So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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