God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
