Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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