I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
