but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
