i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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