my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
