It was confusing and full of hummus
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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