JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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