You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
