apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
