He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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