Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize