if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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