You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
