we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
