I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
