if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
