I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
