Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
