glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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