I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
