just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So vagazzling was a success
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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