I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize