There is no way he is gay with that hair.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
