apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
