i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
