Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
