I could make wine with my vomit
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
