After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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