Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
