HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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