You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
