So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
