remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
