I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
