I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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