Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
