May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
