Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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