I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
