tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
