my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
