your parents love me but you hate me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize