Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
