apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
