just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
