May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you win again, gameday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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