So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize