Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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