whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize