we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
