I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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