the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
