We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
