On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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