shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
