all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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