Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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