he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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