My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize