If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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