Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
