there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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