Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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