Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
