Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize