Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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