Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
