Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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