HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
