I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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