Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
