She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
why is half of my head shaved?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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