wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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