The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
