so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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