You're earring is so big in my mouth
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
