just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
