I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
