You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
