I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
