she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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