Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
