Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
