Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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