I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
