why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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