There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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