what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this hospital has no fireball
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
