I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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