In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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