i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
