the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
