I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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