D3 body, D1 cock
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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