i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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